obama-cares:

when i die i want to be holding my phone so when my cold dead hands start to close they click the camera button and i take a selfie from the grave

(via skittles-and-cyanide)

undefined-and-overlooked:

It’s National Annoy Squidward day
wh0retime:

i lol everytime i see this

catboi:

hippyveganchick:

fffcuk:

lzbth:

‘got herself pregnant’ is the dumbest phrase in the world like forreal if it was possible to get pregnant by ourselves we’d have eaten all the men long ago

it actually is possible to get pregnant (without the sperm of a man whatsoever) using bone marrow from another woman! a child conceived this way can only be female so actually, men are entirely useless. fun fact

let’s begin the feast (✿)

*hides*

(via chum-reap-suor)

zillatamer:

letterstogodptiii:

tea-books-and-blankets:

yaygocats:

discomplete:

“i want to wear shorts because it’s hot but i really hate my legs” an autobiography

“I want to wear shorts but i didnt shave” the sequel.

“I want to wear shorts but I don’t tan and I’d rather not blind you” The trilogy 

“I want to wear shorts but my huge dick always sticks out” a pop-up book

a pop up book

(via chum-reap-suor)

*has emotional breakdown choosing what to eat at a restaurant*

(Source: amoying, via skittles-and-cyanide)

merylstreepismymom:

"what does your tattoo mean?"

It means I wanted it so I fucking got it

(via hate)